what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
