Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
