Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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