Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
