She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
