i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize