He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
