remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
