I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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