remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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