My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
