I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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