He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
