They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
