And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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