how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
