saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I deserve this hangover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
