My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
