also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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