i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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