I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
