maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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