Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
