I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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