i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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