how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
