whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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