apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
