You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
