"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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