you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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