is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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