I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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