We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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