Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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