PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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