you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
