dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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