just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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