Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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