You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
