yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
