I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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