I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
