ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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