I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
