Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
