You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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