Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize