He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
