If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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