No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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