this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
