i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
