Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
