All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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