I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
