tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize