Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
