I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
