I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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