i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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