this boner is exhausting
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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