Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
