9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
