the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
