I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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