Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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