Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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