so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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