So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
