Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
two words: eviction party
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
