I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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