Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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