Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
