OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
