Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
